{whole children}::soul space

For the past couple of weeks, things have been a bit challenging at the Utterback house. As is the case with most 4 year olds, we have been having a tough time getting our boy to listen to us. Let me just get really real here, and tell you, there are days I've felt like I'm in that movie The Others with Nicole Kidman...you know, the one where she and her children are living in this house, and there are other people there, she doesn't understand why they won't acknowledge her, and then realizes that she is actually dead...and a ghost? That's where we have been. I mean, I'm speaking, and I hear the words coming out of my mouth...TEST 1, 2!, TEST...TEST!!...but, alas there is no reaction from my child. You know that blue-in-the face feeling?...yeah, I've had it for about a month straight. Yeah...it's not working for us.

I prayed for a solution, and gave myself a good, hard look...and what I realized is that I have not been keeping a tight enough reign on my household.

Now, don't get me wrong...I'm not talking about being strict. What I'm talking about is the responsibility bestowed on mothers to set the tone of their homes. We all know that careful planning and organization are key for keeping finances in check, and for promoting responsibility. However, I think what's even more key, is what it does for the spirit of your home...and especially your children.

For the past couple of months, I have been asking him a lot of questions that begin with the phrase..."What do you want?"...you know, to eat, to wear, to do, to watch? Ugh! Now...at first glance (and, if you're inclined to believe the stupidity of our society), that doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Of course we need to give our children choices. However, I have basically been letting him lead me. *self-truth punch to the gut!* Because, I have so many different things on my plate right now, I was basically looking to him...my 4 YEAR OLD!...to take over some of the decisions! It's not something that I did consciously, and as soon as I realized it, I immediately put a stop to it. However, I had successfully created an environment, where there was no solidity...and, it showed.

I fully believe children need to have the basic understanding that someone's got their back. For the home to be a purposeful, well-run entity is to create space...for peace, harmony, and development. Children don't need to have to make the choices about meal planning, activities and clothing. They need to be learning and soaking things in...discovering and getting lost in imagination. While that sounds whimsical...it's imperative. It's how they develop who they are going to be. They need soul space.

Speaking of soaking things in...our situation also has another component. It's one we all know well...Television. As I write this, we are on our second day of a TV blackout week, in our home. I like TV. It's fun, it can be educational, and I think it can be an asset...occasionally. I'm sad to admit, we had created a habit of turning on the television. We like to keep up with current events, and we like to be entertained. Add to that, DFW decided to have a northern-style winter, this year. There were weeks on end that we didn't leave our house much.

*information and noise overload*

Have you ever felt frustrated, like you're about to lose your cool, when all of a sudden the air unit shuts off, or the hood fan over your stove turns off, and you realize that THAT was the source of your ire, and you didn't even realize it? Background noise is a major soul-sucker...especially when that background noise consists of opinions and rancor, angst, bad attitudes, self-glorification, and disrespect. I realized that Jax' sporadic behavior could be linked to the fact that the TV was on, all the time. A day and a half into the blackout...and things are 200% improved. He is calm, engaging in conversation, decompressed...like his spirit is quieter. It's not just him, either. All of us have soul space...to think, to ponder, to imagine, to hear, to listen...to observe. We have been putting on music, and that has given us the space to worship. It's been awesome! Like I said...soul space.

We are going to keep going with our experiment. As for me, I am going to be more purposeful about what's going on in my home. I don't have the right not to. For me, that looks like getting up early in the morning. I need to receive from the Lord...His love, His word, His wisdom. I need to get my head on straight, before everyone else needs me to do it for them. I'll let you all in on how it goes as I forge ahead this week.

Take inventory on the spirit of your home, too...it's well worth it...and getting back on track is so much quicker than you think! It's all about the soul space!

{whole body}::oil cleansing method

I was blessed with pretty good skin. I think there were a couple of months back in 7th grade, before I cared enough to have a good skin care regimen, that I broke out around menses (which my husband now lovingly refers to as "shark week"). Other than that...my skin was always pretty good. However, around ages 25-27, things started to go awry.

Acne has still never been an issue...but, peaches and cream I am not. Certainly, there are hormone and health issues that have contributed to the problem...but, drab does not even begin to describe my the lack of luster on my face. Not to mention, the added porous enormoucus that is the bane of my T-zone. Bonus.

I long ago stopped using commercial skin products...maybe as long as 9 years ago. That certainly helped, and there is one product that I will never again go without. However, none of them actually changed the landscape and structure of my skin.

Enter: Crunchy Betty.

This chic's blog has changed my life. Her rockin' wit and tireless pursuit of natural skin care have contributed to my daily life in a wonderful way. Not only do I no longer spend extra money on skincare products (even organic, the integrity of which, is now called heavily into question), I hardly spend any money at all. Not only that...but, my skin is glowing, again!

The biggest contributor to my improving skin, is The Oil Cleansing Method. I literally had NO IDEA, that this option existed. I was definitely skeptical, because well...who ever heard of rubbing oil all over your face, in order to clean your pores?! But, trust me when I say...you'll wonder what in the world you were ever thinking, stripping your face of all of it's benefits...every night and every morning, since you were 9! The first time I did it...my skin looked like it did when I was 16 years old. I could NOT believe it.

{oil cleansing players...Castor oil $6.99, and Sweet Almond Oil $4.59 @ Vitamin Shoppe}

{I use a 70/30 ratio of sweet almond/castor oils, respectively, and then put it in a cute bottle, just to up the feel-good ante. I've had this bottle for almost 2 months...and, it came from the 2 bottles above. Do your own math.}

I love every second of oil cleansing. It is so meditative...so centering. It's good for circulation...and spending 5 minutes, every other day, concentrating on taking care of myself. I highly recommend it.

{just a glimpse of my ever-expanding homemade skincare shelf}

By the way... I highly suggest reading the link about Oil Cleansing Method. I will go into the endless benefits of castor oil, at some point...but, I'm just too lazy, today. However, if you read the link, you will get a jist;)

NO CHEMICALS = HAPPY:)

{whole food}::dirty work

This is the part of the Real Food movement that I don't like...the part that requires me to get the eye of the tiger, when I just want to dance in the fields...the part that has me pacing our family library, with my blood boiling, when I really just want to sit down and write wholesome, fun posts about our little family's journey.

This part is the fight.

It is worth noting that I am so. not. a. fighter. I hate fighting. I bob and weave at every turn. I don't want to do it...except when it has to do with my family, my child...or our food supply. What I've learned in the past year or so has awakened a whole other part of me. Where I would normally feel powerless, wishing I could be more courageous and be willing to go into battle...even if I'm the only one fighting...I am now always at the ready.

I still feel small, but my jaw is set, my eyes are glaring at the horizon...and, if I'm bloodied in battle...I count it an honor. I almost constantly feel the rumble of a far-off drum beat under my feet. I can feel the vigilant masses gathering under home-made banners, with whatever ammunition they could fashion out of their household wares...the heat that is gathering at my back. This...this is full on Braveheart-style, fist-clenching, you-better-believe-we'll-give'em-hell kind of stuff. In short...I'm pissed.

So, what is it that has me all riled up? Big Food. Monsanto. GMO's...particularly the newly greenlit Roundup Ready Alfalfa. Our. Government...past and present...Clarence Thomas...2 decades worth of FDA and USDA officials, presidents, Supreme Court Justices....all those that have paved the way for the murderous hoards to come in an claim what is God's, that he entrusted to us...and to pervert it into the death of the entire world's food, in the name of greed and profit. This is no ordinary case of money-grubbing. This is pure. EVIL.

I will just rant on and on, if I don't stop myself. So, I'm going to re-direct you to a wonderful piece, written by a decidedly more self-controlled blogger @ Homestead Revival.

Let me just say this. I know that God is still in control. But, I also know that we aren't supposed to rest on our laurels, and chalk it up to God's will. It's not His will...it's just what has happened, as a result of free will. He created and cherishes free will, because it's the thing that ensures that we come to Him of a free heart, by choice, because we love Him. He's not going to screw with it. That's why He gave those of us who DO want to be with Him, Jesus. We needed an exit strategy. It was no secret to God that things were going to get bad. It doesn't mean that we need to not fight. It's our duty. If for nothing else...

...so that he can fight the battles that need fighting in the future. So that he doesn't have to live in a Book of Eli world. So that he can have a legacy.

{my letter to President Obama}

Hey, Goliath...

...I'm coming for you.

*Lost-reminiscent bass drum beat* (just for levity)

{whole home}::customizing your home

There are several facets involved in changing your lifestyle. Sometimes, the most overwhelming issues are the logistics...i.e. I don't have room for that, I don't have the equipment necessary, there's no place...etc. Oftentimes, successful changes are about having the proper tools.

When our homes have a rhythm, and we upset the apple cart with a need for change, the status quo can be very difficult to break. That is equal parts good and bad, in my mind. Especially as women, it's our job to create that rhythm and heartbeat in our home. That's part of our calling. So, it's not necessarily a bad thing to be met with resistance (even from ourselves), when we want to start marching on the upbeats. (my inner band nerd is leaking out...I apologize).

When we started looking toward an urban homesteading lifestyle, I got overwhelmed with all that I was going to need to be successful. First and foremost on my mind...room to work and storage. Ironically, when we really started picking up speed on our mental plans...we didn't even have a home...ha! In order to grow and make your own food, make your own cleaning supplies, reclaim and upcycle, store food for the winter, buy in bulk...you have to have a space to grow food...a place to can...a place to store. We were blessed enough to be able to rent a home, with a sizeable back yard, a supportive landlord, and a few bonus neighbors who are like-minded...yay!! (Thank You for that little nod of confirmation, God:) One other helpful thing...a breakfast area in the kitchen AND a separate dining area.

I'm learning to think outside the box with things. Generally, I'm the kind of person who likes everything to go where it belongs...i.e. breakfast area in kitchen = a place to put a table for casual dining. However, in my quest to tailor-fit my life to what makes sense for US...not the builder's intentions...I decided to extend my kitchen work area into the "breakfast area". It doesn't yet have all the storage and workspace that it will eventually have...but, we are about half way there. This is what it looks like:

{another view}

My hope is to have everything we need to prepare all of our own food products in our home, in a way that makes the job more convenient.

I absolutely love the concept of design and beauty. What's changing for me, is what I consider beautiful. If I listen to my most authentic self...I realize that what grabs my attention, isn't what would be considered aesthetically pleasing to the masses. I love seeing evidence of life. I think it's beautiful to be able to see that real people live real life. I love color and texture...a little bit utilitarian...a little bit rustic...alot eclectic. So, though my little kitchen work area may not be featured in Better Homes and Gardens...

it's a better home for us, than I could have possibly imagined. As for the gardens...

{a sneak peek at our very first preparations}:)

{updates} :: what's working

So, yesterday was the one year blogoversary for {whole family project.} I didn't make a big to-do out of it, because I was exhausted yesterday, and I didn't have the oomph to sit down and write. Don't think I'm not excited...I am! I really was just very blah, yesterday.

That being said, I think it's an appropriate time to see how the project is coming along. I tend toward dwelling on all the things I hope to do...all the places I hope to go...instead of highlighting what progress is happening...now.

*sidebar* - something I am working on, is living in contentment. It dawns on me, that always being annoyed with myself for all I haven't achieved, is counter-productive, and may very well be making sure I don't make steady progress. I'm getting out of the business of discouraging myself, thank you very much. If I want discouragement...I'll watch the news.*

{back story}

Last year at this time, I started {whole family project}, because I was looking for more. I wanted to do something with my passion for writing, and at the same time, incorporate my love of the holistic lifestyle and natural healing, with the added element of my passion for happy marriages and family.

When I saw Food, Inc. for the first time...it took on a life of it's own. I immediately felt the call to Real Food activism. I immediately looked at my proverbial surroundings and saw them as the sham that they are. I immediately wanted out. I could feel my insides clawing at me...I all of a sudden wanted to sell everything I owned and venture out...looking for "real". So...with a little help from an exciting God...we did...almost...just that. We sold half of what we owned, put the rest in storage and went on a journey...a vision quest...a hunt. 10 weeks, 10 states...endless craziness.

I didn't find what I was looking for.

God used that trip to let me in on a little secret. The project I need to be doing is in me. He let me see beautiful things, He pushed me to face some fears...and, then He let me drop on my silly, little butt and see Him...right there, in my face...no matter where I am. I love Him for that:) As to food...we realized that the locavore movement is pretty saturated in the Northwest...and so, we really feel like we are being called to forward that movement here...in the heart of Big Agri-country. It's here that the move toward Real food needs to be pushed...to be welcomed...to be accessible. I intend to do everything in my power to help.

So...though it's seemed like slow progress...we've come a long way in a year. My husband had no luck finding a job after his April lay-off...so, we went back to school. We are using that opportunity to further our cause, as well. He is getting his bachelor's in Horticulture (he already had an A.A.S.), and I entered culinary school.

As to our home-life...we are always growing and branching in our spiritual and emotional lives together...our little band of three. We are posturing our home to accommodate the lifestyle we are entering. I am going to post details about that in tomorrow's post. However, we are making room, plans, and preparations for our little slice of urban farming and homesteading joy:) Things are coming along.

Probably the most major issue that we felt needed...um...projecting...was our health. While I have an above-average understanding about natural health and food...that doesn't mean that I am a product of that knowledge. I am a human being, with human level habits, and human emotions, and a super-human appetite. Not only that...I come from a legacy culture of emotional and entertainment eating. I really, truly want to educate people about holistic lifestyles...but, at this moment...I don't present with any credibility. You get my point?... I'm fat. However, I'm not just interested in getting thinner...I want real wellness...whole wellness. So, to that end we are making some steps to add life-giving nutrients into our diets in a meaningful way. We are an over-fed, under-nourished society, and our bodies aren't getting what they need in order to activate their own healing mechanisms...much less have any joy or energy or zeal. I am finding some very convenient and wonderful solutions to that problem for our family...and one of the biggest ones is the Green Smoothie.

{our very first green smoothie}

We made some investments at the start of the year, that we felt would really contribute to our progress. The biggest one?...our Vitamix:) It's a very powerful blender that has gotten more nutrients in our system in the past 10 days, than we have probably consumed in the past year.

Our basic recipe:

2 cups coconut milk

2 whole apples

2 whole carrots

handful of grapes

1-2 bananas

2 scoops chia seeds

2 packed cups of kale or spinach

{put in Vitamix...and blend};)

{the man likes it}

{the boy likes it}

{and, I like it}.

We drink one every morning, accompanied by one or two eggs, and the result is amazing. Brandon and I have each lost 6 pounds, our appetites are way down...and our energy is way up. Don't let that last comment bypass you...OUR ENERGY IS WAY UP! This is huge for us! If that's all I got from it...I would do it every single day.

The momentum is building, and there are days to be seized, horns to be grabbed, battles to be fought and won, joy to be experienced, and peace to be had. There is sun to feel on my face, messes to be made and cleaned up, inspirations to be soaked in, prayers to be said, evil to be overcome, and worship to be shouted.

I want all of it. Bring it, life...BRING IT!

Out of Hibernation

Wow.

It's good to be back.

For the past couple of months, I have been getting settled in our new home, doing the holiday thing, having some emotional breakdowns...only to be gently lifted back to solid ground by a loving God and husband...and pursuing a purposeful family dynamic.

2010 was a good year.

It didn't feel good every day...but, it certainly was a good year.

It brought change, disappointment, adventure, clarity, frustration, elation, immense loneliness, suffocation, learning, dissatisfaction, heartbreak, fear, relief...it stole my comfort, forged my way, allowed me to see, made me face some giants, made me feel very insignificant...

and then gave me Yosemite.

I saw man-made wonders, worshiped in solitude on a beach, in front of the Pacific Ocean, realized that my dream places were not what dreams were made of, and felt the open arms of my beloved Texas, embrace me when I came home.

I said goodbye to some things and said hello to others...best of all blogging and backyard farming.

I found a passion, got more passionate about the ones I already had, and became an activist for the things that are most important to me.

Memories were made, places explored...but, the best exploration came when I explored my heart.

I rooted in and shed some skin...and heard the whispers of my ancestors telling me to press on.

Best of all, I spent every single day caring for the 2 guys that make up my calling. I gazed into their eyes, spent as much time as I could with them in my arms, fed them, cared for them...and fell further in love with them every single day. I worship my Father by loving them as I do. Every day I strive to do it better.

The new year has me thinking about things in a different way. On whole family project, I want to discuss the things that I am doing...not the things I'm planning on doing later. I want to highlight the things that are already working....not just the things that I think might work...if I could just get my stuff together. There are amazing things in the works at Chez Utterback...and I can't wait to share them all with you!

Have a wonderful week...I've missed this so much!

Blessings on you, my friends.

From way back here in the back...

Still here...breathing in and out. I've had an aversion to coming onto my blog, since I can't figure out why it's giving random people a trojan virus, and because I can't get anyone from Blogger to help me. Anyway - I am trying to get this sucker back up and running, because I realize as I type this...I'm having blog depression.

I need this...