Me Mondays: The Reinvention Strategy...Stage I

So last week...yeah, I put it all out there. My sister was mortified:) I think it's funny though. I've spent a whole lot of time, trying to hide the truth about my body. I usually tell people that I have the opposite of anorexia...basically, I'm in denial about what I look like, and how healthy I am. But, hello?...it's not like people can't tell that I'm fat! Believe me...when you have that mindset, it's no kismet, when you accidentally catch a glimpse of yourself in a full length mirror at a department store. I have gotten so good at avoiding mirrors, in order to continue my delusions, that it's like the naked-at-school dream, when I run into one of those danged mirror columns at the mall! It always takes me a second or two to realize that it's me!

Well, those days are over. Like a cat burglar, age has stolen my delusions from me, and I'm left with the all-too-real understanding of my ill-health. So, here we are...you all know how much I weigh, and I have to do something about it. Besides all that...I can't necessarily go around talking about my passion for nutrition, sporting the poster body for processed food, now can I? Well, that's going to take some doing.

The Winds of Change

As of today, I'm going full throttle. I am going from not too much to do...to a VERY full schedule. My best friend and I are beginning our Couch to 5k program, with the end result being a full marathon in Austin, next February. {hello...someone please send the white coats...I may have completely lost my stuff, this time} Go big, or go home, right? In my case, I could be "going home", either way:) Lord, help me...

The Prescription

I am going to concentrate on the new exercise schedule for the most part, this week, because I am also starting work full time, for my mom. Not only that, but, sometime in the next month, we are going to be moving, starting school, and beginning our child's illustrious sports career. (David Beckham, move over...this kid's going to be maj-a!) Anyway - I figure, if I'm going to reinvent myself...then I best do it, all the way. In order to make all of that possible, it's going to take some careful planning, self-discipline, and a pristine schedule, so it all runs smoothly. Sleep, hydration, and prayer are going to have to come center stage! Sleep...so that my body can restore itself, hydration so that I can have energy...and prayer, because well...did you read what I'm trying to do? I'm going to need guidance and mercy from above! I will add different aspects as the others become new life habits.

Paring Down

I really feel like I need to detox my body, but, I'm also a little concerned about biting off more than I can chew, at one time. So, I hope to maybe get a few pounds off, which will help, and concentrate on detoxing after I've gotten a head start. Is that backwards? I'm just going to listen to my body...because, I don't think it's a good idea to start a detox and a new running schedule at the same time. I know me...I don't do well while I'm detoxing. It's going to have to go in steps. So, to that end, I will work on portions, for now. I have had the greatest success, in the past, with eating 5-6 small meals a day. Being prepared is a huge part of being successful at that, because, if you don't know what you're going to eat ahead of time, and you wait until you're hungry...the right choice will NOT be made. That's like sticking a thirsty, newly recovering alcoholic in a bar, and expecting them to order water...probably not going to happen. It's the same concept...only the alcohol is food.

So, for now, that is Stage I. I have this really bad habit of doing the "all or nothing" dance...where, I make a plan, and if I deviate from it...then the whole thing goes in the toilet. I can't do that, anymore, so I'm going to do what I know I can, for that day...no matter how it changes. I think the real key is going to be in the preparation. Having water on hand, getting up and starting my day in The Word, and meditating to set my mind to the tasks at hand. It's going to be very challenging...but, I either rise to the challenge...or I sink to the grave.

I think I'll rise;)

{i'm not posting stats, today, because there weren't any changes last week...only formulating my plan. so, I will begin next monday, and posts new stats, regularly.}

Whole Marriage: His Needs, Her Needs

{ok...well, since I seem to have an issue with petering out by the end of the week, I'm going to go ahead and post today, what should have been posted on Friday. I've been suffering from intermittent and sporadic internet syndrome...so, bear with me...I'm really not this inconsistent of a person.}

Let me begin by saying: I'm no expert on marriage. I have been married for 7 1/2 years, and while I do have a great and solid relationship, we have had our ups and downs. One thing we do have in spades, however, is a great and mutual desire to make our marriage great...not just survivable. In that pursuit, we have attended seminars, counseling, and skill building events in order to make that a viable reality. Sadly, as I stated in my last post, I don't think that we give enough credence to the need for skills to build a lasting marriage. Additionally, I spend a significant amount of time analyzing the "what went wrong?" question, in response to the marriages I see falling apart around me. So to that end...I want to share a couple of really important things I've learned...this week, it's about needs.

Shifting Focus

I believe that, as a society, we share a common philosophy that states that marriage takes work. However, our action structure is very different. In other words...we say that we need to spend time putting effort into our marriages...but, our daily life consists of everything but. First and foremost, we have to begin the process of realigning our mentalities...to put the needs of our spouse, as the person we love, ahead of our need for them to fulfill a business partner role, on the logistic front. In other words...begin and end the day with "how is my spouse doing?", instead of "what is my spouse doing or not doing as a parent, financial contributor, laborer...?".

It Starts at the Heart

I care about my husband's heart...and he cares about mine. That is our first priority. It is, after all, what we pledged to do...to be the one person on the planet, who cares most about the other. Certainly, we have to wear the different hats, in order to make our lives run smoothly...but, when you don't center those efforts around the foundation of fulfilling each other's needs...then at some point, it's no longer enough. It becomes platonic. You realize that you could have this relationship with just about anyone...there's nothing special left. It's simple and hard...all at the same time. So, it's time for people to understand what those needs are.

Honor

I want to build my husband up. I want to elevate his reputation, his confidence, his heart, and his viewpoint. It is the number one need of a husband...honor. Men need to be honored. You know that old saying..."behind every successful man, is a very good woman"? Well, there's a reason that it's a saying. I once heard a sentence at a wedding that will stay with me for the rest of my life. A pastor said to the bride..."Right, wrong, or indifferent...a man will always live up to...or down to...what his wife believes of him." Another half-joke I like to say, is "yes...he's the head of the home, but, I'm the neck, and I show the head where to turn." That is not to say that I play games with my husband, but it is very indicative of the fact that how I treat him, often times determines how he walks through the world...how he makes decisions. For 10 years, Brandon and I had a certain issue. It drove me insane...and, no matter how many ways I put it, no matter how many conversations we had about it...it never changed. I felt like I was blue in the face every single day of my life. A little over a year ago, I decided to change the way I handled it. I decided to just start treating him as though he were meeting that need in me, beautifully...even though he wasn't, yet. In other words...honoring him, even though I didn't feel like it...or that he deserved it. Guess what?...the honor I gave him inspired him to actually rise to the occasion. Once I began believing that he was going to fill the need, instead of dwelling on how he wasn't...he did it. After all these years...my needs, in that area, are met. I knew that I was to be his helpmate, in this life...I just didn't realize that being his helpmate was going to help ME!

Security

Women need to feel secure. We are most successful as people, when we don't have to wonder all the time, if we're going to be OK. If we are spending our time wondering if our husband is faithful, or if we're going to make it financially, or if we are going to be safe...it creates a vacuum in us, where trust, fun, intimacy, happiness, and contentment are. Brandon always tells me that I'm good at keeping us progressing in our marriage. I'm never willing to stay in "survival mode", in order to not rock the boat. We have a pretty great marriage, as a result. However, what he doesn't realize is...he creates the atmosphere for me to be able to move us forward. If I were to constantly be wondering about his activities, constantly worried about whether or not we are going to make it...I wouldn't be at all concerned about building our communication skills, or upping our game in the emotional connection department. Through his honesty, and his commitment, I have the room to push us forward...to up our game. Because I know he is willing to do whatever it takes to support us, I don't worry that he doesn't have a job. I know it's going to be fine. He has created that security for me. This coming from a woman who has no home! I am still...because his character is secure...and that's what I can rely on.

These 2 issues, while central, are just jumping off points. There are many factors that go into each individual marriage...but, I challenge you to try focusing on these 2 specific things, if you are having trouble. Just experiment, and see if it works for you...moves you to a different place. It certainly won't hurt, and you never know...you might begin to see your spouse through a fresh lens. Their heart is worth fighting for...even if you have to fight your own pride.

Red Rover, Red Rover...Kick Big Industry Over

So much of what prompted the beginning of the Whole Family Project, is that I'm scared. I'm scared for myself. I am worried about breast cancer, I'm worried about heart disease, hypertension, and high blood pressure, and I'm worried about diabetes. I'm not worried in a hypochondriac sort of way...I'm worried because I display signs of all of these things. Every point on the list of breast cancer risks...I have every single one of them...to a severe degree.

Luckily, I'm blessed enough to have had a peek behind the curtain, so I know enough to know that I don't need to see it the way "they" want me to. However, one of my main priorities is to find a way to nip all that may or may not be going on, in my body, in the bud. So...one part of my strategy is to get my body & hair care products in line. I've been off of parabens and aluminum for several years, now...but, this video opened my eyes to a host of other problematic chemicals.

We can only educate one another about these issues. Big Chem, Big Food, Big "M", Big Industry...they certainly aren't going to tell us. In fact...a good thing to do, is to check into what Europe is doing with their safety standards. They tend to have a much deeper respect for their citizens' health across the pond. That being said...we also have the unique ability to change things in a big way, in our country...because, we hold the money, and that's what "they're" after. We can, for all intensive purposes, "cut them off", to get what we want. We just have to do the monumental task of getting the word out, and changing some minds.

It's a tough job...but, I'm starting to really like doing it:)

Real Food Wednesday: Building a Nourishing Tradition

As most of you know, for the past few months, we have not had a house to live in. Along with a situation like that comes the upending of many of your daily habits. For a little while, it was unnoticeable, but as of late, I am beginning to see the affects of not having the same availability as we have always had.

When we first got our son, I was bound and determined to maintain a wholesome & nourishing diet for him. I had gotten a copy of Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon a couple of years before our son was even born. At that point in my life, the whole concept of this nourishing food was pretty overwhelming. However, when we got him, I knew I wanted to give him the best start I knew how. So, I jumped in...at least for him.

For the first two months of his life, he had been exposed to heavy amounts of second hand smoke, and lots of processed formula. {I believe that parents need to make decisions that are the best for them, and that they have to follow their convictions, as they see fit...so, no judgments if you happen to have used canned formula. However, God gave me the conviction and the opportunity to be educated in a non-conventional way regarding infant nutrition, and so I wanted to do all I could to adhere to that.} When he came to us, and it became clear that this was going to be a long term situation, I began him on the baby formula recipe from the back of Nourishing Traditions. (I used Goat's Milk that was pasteurized, which is not optimal...however, it's what I could do at the time.)

At first, we struggled with some constipation issues, because there are lots of beneficial fats and oils, that his little body wasn't used to. But, after about 2 weeks, and some diluting methods to help build him up, he became very regular...and remains so to this very day. Not only that, but his lungs were able to heal very quickly. What I thought would take months to clear up, actually took about a week and a half. He went from having sinus and lung issues that you could hear, to sleeping soundly with almost no breath sounds in about 10 days. It actually used to freak me out! From that point on, he has been the healthiest child you could possibly imagine!

When he weaned off of formula, I wanted to figure out a way to keep all that nutrition, that he was getting from the formula, into his "big boy" diet. At that point, the thought of deciphering a way to add all of those nutrients into our regular food was daunting. My simply solution?...adapt his formula into a SMOOTHIE! Now...let me clarify, at the point that I threw this together, the thought of making my own yogurt and such was not even on the radar. And trust me...this is just thrown together. So, adapt as you will...but, this is what I do:

1 cup of yogurt (whatever flavor you want)

1/2 cup frozen berries (you choose)

2 tbsp. ground flax seed

1 tsp. extra virgin coconut oil

1 tsp. brewer's yeast

1 tsp. cod liver oil

1/4 tsp. bifido bacterium infantis (I use LifeStart which is a blend)

1 crushed acerola tablet

1 tbsp. raw honey

{throw it all in a blender and blend:)}

If you don't make whole food formula...some of these ingredients may seem a little strange...but, he LOVES it...sucks it down!!

I realized the other day, that many of the reasons that I began my son on the Nourishing Traditions baby formula, still need to be addressed, even as he is nearly 4 years old. That didn't necessarily dawn on me, until a few weeks ago, when he started having issues with growing pains in his legs, in the middle of the night. I was racking my brain trying to figure out why, after all this time, he was suddenly having these episodes...especially since his growth rate has slowed, significantly. It also led me to the realization that much of his behavior issues have been timed around this, too. So it dawned on me...for the first time in his whole life, the quality of his nutrition has slipped. He's not getting all the nutrients that he was getting on a daily basis, before...and, we're both suffering for it! I realize that regardless of what they eat, three year old boys are going to be nutty. However, the same way that eating too much of the wrong things, and not enough of the right things, affects the mood and overall ability to handle life in adults...it's going to be even worse for a developing little body. Well, it ends here! I'll keep you posted on the progress;)

I'm off to get some ingredients today, and as soon as I do...I'll post pictures of the process to go along with the recipe! We are also going to begin our relationship with green smoothies...so, I'll let you know how that goes, as well...for all of us!

A Valuable Moment

I'm posting a second time, because I am dedicated to putting out any information that I find useful! We MUST take back the reigns of our own wellbeings...and that of our children and family! It's going to take some doing...but, we CAN and WILL loosen the grip that big industry has on our lives. We just have to work together...please don't let the status quo be more important!

S.O.S.: The Preschool Boy Conundrum

I'm having trouble with these Tuesday posts. I want to post regularly on the issue of child-rearing. The problem is...I'm in a raunchy place with it. My son will be 4 in October, and we are in that stage where I can't do a. single. thing. without it being extremely difficult. I find that I'm either tripping over him, begging him to be quiet for a single second...or it's quiet, and I'm terrified about what I'm going to find. I'm not even going to start on the physical wounds I receive, just because he happened to walk by me, at any given moment. I'm want to celebrate this stage of his life...but, can I be honest, here? I'm really ready for the next one!

I. am. exhausted.

I don't want anyone to think that my child is not absolutely my favorite part of my whole life...because, he absolutely is. He's very sweet, kind, and nurturing...he loves to help with anything he can. Not to mention, he's becoming very intuitive about other people's feelings. It's just that in order to easily be effective in keeping him reigned in, right now...I'd have to be an octopus on steroids! He's faster than a speeding bullet, louder than an approaching train, and as destructive as a tornado in a town made of glass...not to mention sneaky as all get out.

We are staying with some friends, right now, and in the past 3 weeks, he has done more damage than our non-existent income can maintain. During one of those quiet moments a couple of weeks ago, I went to look for him, and found him shredding the sheet that was on the air mattress he was sleeping on with his dad's pocket knife, that I had unwittingly left on the washer when I was cleaning out pockets for laundry. Upon closer inspection, I realized that he had also stabbed holes in the mattress (a motorized Aerobed at that), and it is now ruined. Just day before yesterday, while clearing his breakfast dishes, he threw them so hard that he broke a one of a kind bowl that was in the sink...very rare and expensive. This was just a couple of days after he fried my parents' DVR by spraying it with a water bottle. None of this stuff is malicious...it's just natural boy curiosity coupled with an unbridled and freakish amount of force...the likes of which are confounding to all who witness it.

I don't know what to do...I really don't. I might be able to come up with some creative solutions...but, I can't hear myself think. As it is, it's taken me aaaaallll day long to finish this one measly post. It's nearly 4 'o clock!

We have soccer in the pipeline, and hopefully we will be able to put him in some part time preschool...but, I could really use some practical advice, here. Does anyone else have a barbarian child? I don't want to squelch his spirit...I've read Wild at Heart...I know it's how he wired. However, I also can't let him run amok...so, I need some input on balance from anyone who has any! To put it plainly....

H E E E E E L L L L L P P P P P !!!!!!!!!

Me Mondays: The State of My Body

Well, first of all I want to apologize for the unplanned break on Th, F, & Sa. I had unforeseen internet issues, and I was unable to get anything posted. You know something...I really don't like it when I can't blog. Last week I talked about being driven to forward the Real Food Movement...well, it includes blogging. I love the connection and the community that it provides, while talking about things that matter. I am so very happy and grateful that God opened these doors for me. I. am. truly. happy. I know I keep emphasizing this point, but I just can't get over the fact that I am inhabiting this level of excitement after so many years of not having any. It's almost like a second chance in a way? I guess I had kind of resigned myself to just needing to get with the program and rejoice that I had what I had, and stop looking for "more". Silly me...Jesus died so that I might have the MORE...not so that I would just survive. He died so that I could have LIFE...TO THE FULL...PRESSED DOWN, SHAKEN TOGETHER, & RUNNING OVER. Freedom...He died to give me freedom. To Him be the Glory. So...that brings me to my next point.

The Speed Bumps

There are many great obstacles on this path toward living freely. Some people have emotional issues, some have mental issues, many have physical issues, and others carry the heavy burden of being victims to some core-shattering event (or events) in their life. I happen to believe that often times, it's all at the same time. Mine?...mine begins with my body.

I have very few emotional and mental hardships in my life. Certainly, there are some...but, I am fully aware that in the grand scheme of things...I've gotten off easy. But, when it comes to my physical state...it's the bane of my existence. I come from a large family...in number and stature. It has always been like an identity marker for us, in some way. It was almost as identity-solid as one's ethnicity...like we were just born that way, and there's not a whole lot to be done about it. We're just...fat people. This identity label has followed me my entire life...to the point that I saw myself that way, regardless of whether or not it was true. I always self-identified as "the big girl." You know what's funny...I look back on pictures of me in high school, and, while I was always curvier than my classmates...sizewise...I was generally in the same bracket. When did that happen? I fully believed there was a significant gap between me and....well, being "thin".

There really wasn't...but, there is now.

I am about to turn 33. Thirty-three. XXXIII. Wow.

It's Time to Know I'm a Grown Up

I'm not one of those who is all caught up in the age game. I don't have that "dun, dun, duuuuun" song playing in my head every time I have a birthday. I enjoyed turning 30, and I feel like it's an honor to get older...as long as I'm getting wiser. What I DO have a problem with, is the fact that there are all these silent, little milestones that have been residing in my head, year after year. These subconscious goals of "well, by that time, I'll be thin, and I will be able to do those things I want to do." Well "by that time" has passed me up more often than I can even begin to tell you. The By That Time Meter is starting to steam....pressing the hand into the red zone of..."No Time Left". Does anyone else have this strange dichotomy going on, where you feel old, you're starting to look old, you are raising a child, having financial stress...yet, there's a part of you that is still run by the 20 year old, wild-at-heart beatnik that you were? Like, you could be equally as close to your slightly older friend and her high school-aged daughter? Well...that's me. Problem is...my body is totally one-sided in this little debate.

I realized a few years ago, that much of my problem is about that label I wear every day...the "fat girl" label. Thing is...it was never my friends. I was teased once or twice, but I was blessed enough to have beautiful, kind, and accepting friends my whole life. I was born with that label. It was no one's fault...my family had it, too. It just never dawned on anyone that they didn't have to wear it. That, and this label isn't a peel-off sticker kind...it's more like a chiseled-in-stone kind...you know, like a tombstone. It's as difficult a mentality to erase, as a child who was told they aren't worth anything their entire life. It's perpetuated into the very marrow of your bones. So, my challenge is to find a way to bust it up...to begin to behave my way to freedom from obesity. Even if I were to reach 2% body fat, I would never be "skinny"...it's not how I'm built. But, I would have a really strong, athletic, healthy shape. It's not that I'm looking to be a model...I just want to be the best that I can!

Besides it being a health hazard...for what I'm passionate about, it's also a credibility issue. Already, I'm having people ask me to come speak at events, and answer questions online. I'm seized with this fear of actually showing up in person. While I'm a project at work...I feel like if I were to walk into a room right now, no one would take me seriously as I tout the benefits of Real Food. I'm 130 pounds overweight, for pete's sake!

Weight is about a whole lot more than where you get your food, and it takes many years of consuming the wrong things for the wrong reasons to get where I am. Unfortunately, ignorance doesn't excuse your responsibility. So much of my problem is that I have the set in stone label I carry around, and it's coupled with a passionate, sensual affair with the art of food. I love the way it tastes. Period. No trying to create a protective layer, no trying to overcompensate for something...it was meant to nourish and enjoy...and boy howdy, did I overdo those 2 things with gusto! Most times, when I overeat...it's not because I don't know I'm full...it's because I don't want to stop experiencing the taste and texture that was so wonderful...the very meaning of "too much of a good thing." (You know...kind of like my insatiable need to over-describe my life, in exhaustible and epic blog posts:)

So, here's the thing...I'm going to keep you posted on the state of my body. I need to get free of this...so that I can carry out my many purposes in this life...with credibility, energy, and an amazing story of healing. I will give you the stats, and if you so choose...you can keep me accountable. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

The Issues:

Sleep Apnea; heart palpitations; achiness; blood pressure issues; blood sugar spikes; chest pain; too much belly fat; chronic discomfort; joint pain; sallow skin; infertility; major hormone imbalances; overall endocrine dysfunction; one foot in the diabetic pool

The Numbers:

HEIGHT: 5' 5 1/2"

STARTING WEIGHT: 270 lbs.

BMI: 44.7 (morbidly obese)

MEASUREMENTS:

Bust - 49"
Ribcage - 43"
Waist - 46 1/2"
Hips - 56 1/2"
R upper arm - 15 3/4"
L upper arm - 16 1/2"
R Thigh - 33"
L Thigh - 33"
R Calf - 18 1/2"
L Calf - 18 1/2"

Ok...So, now that you've got all the information you never wanted to know...you can watch to see how it goes. I'll post stats at the bottom of every Me Monday post, so that, if you're interested...you can keep track. Anyone else having similar issues? Anyone want to join me?