"Me Mondays" - Self Doubt

I had great things planned for this, the day that was to mark the beginning of my illustrious career as a semi-pro blogger. Everything was laid out in type A, list maker fashion. I had topics for each and every day of the week, and was even going to write this morning's article last night, so that all I had to do this morning was wake up, brush my teeth, push the button on my coffee maker, and VOILA!...an article about the importance of sleep that was to change the life of some reader, like I was some messiah of the web. Enter a NASTY wave of self doubt, and an hours long case of writer's block. You know the drill..."this is dumb", "look at you...you have no business writing a blog about making your family whole...you're in mix-matched pajamas with hairy legs, dry feet, and you don't follow through on anything.", "you're definitely going to fail at this", "this is completely irrelevant...you have no idea what you're doing." Yada, yada, yada. I had a good cry, I called all the usual suspects for reassurance...husband, sister, mom. I even dragged myself to the gym, to see if a good cardio session would help to blow the cobwebs out. It helped for a little bit, but the waves of doubt kept sweeping over me. I was either having a serious case of spiritual attack, because what I want to do really is going to be worth something to people, or I was just realizing I'm not cut out to do this.
Oprah often says "doubt means don't." I think I may have to call BS on that one. (Sorry, Oprah) Truth is, that I've been told countless times that I need to write for people, that I have a gift, and that I'm robbing God by not using it. As I pondered this, it hit me that this is a chronic issue with me. I have all these things to offer, but for some reason, something keeps me from putting myself out there. So, it occurred to me that this doubt may not mean "don't" at all, but rather push through and DO IT!! Not to sound vain, but I've been given lots of gifts. What makes it sad, is that they are wasted. I believe that someone down there is pretty certain that if I were to move forward with confidence, and be free of the distraction and paralysis of self-doubt, then I might just be a force to be reckoned with for my family, my community, and my world. I don't think that we can be MADE to do things. I do, however, believe that we can be KEPT FROM doing things. Like an emotional and mental veil that's thrown up in front of us to keep us from realizing our true power. So, this is me...pressing onward...in spite of my doubts. So again, sorry, Oprah.
As a woman, a wife, a mom, and a writer, there is so much opportunity for self-doubt to rear it's ugly head...weight (I'll never actually get it done, why try?), financial freedom (there's always going to be something come up, why try?), marital strife (It's never going to change, why try?), blogging (It's completely irrelevant, why try?). Self doubt has the potential to single-handedly derail us from the path to wholeness...in all areas. So, my commitment to you is this: this week, I will write every day, no matter what I feel. My articles may not be life-changing or even poignant or funny...they may be irrelevant. But, and excuse my french...I'll be damned if I will allow self-doubt to make ME irrelevant ANY LONGER! Pick something that is holding you back, and do this WITH ME. I believe we need partners in this project! I believe we need people who know how we feel, who relate to us, who agree with us.
My life lesson today? God allowed me to experience what I did today, because He needed me to write THIS article...not the one I was planning. I'll get to the posts about sleep, exercise, eating well, etc. I just think that He needed me to go deeper...think bigger than my limited plans on the topics I wanted to address...to let this be His blog, and not mine. He's good at that...not letting me fall flat on my face BECAUSE of me, but taking me to higher ground IN SPITE of me.

Ode to Whole Foods Market

Oh, Whole Foods Market. It's pretty normal for people to love Whole Foods these days, and that's fine with me. It's like Dave Matthews Band...just because I liked him before the rest of the planet had him blasting out of their cars, in the late 90's, doesn't mean I didn't like him post-fratboy obsession. (annoying trait: being anti-everything mainstream, regardless of merit or true quality) However, I know of few people who have the internal experience I have when approaching the intersection on which Whole Foods sits...it's like...well, it's like having a Cocoon moment. As I park my car (and feel a palpable sense of guilt about my non-hybrid car status), I turn to take my trek to the doors...the portal to the mother-ship. It is always with a Wilford Brimley-esque reverence that I take in the moment, knowing that as soon as I enter, the world outside will cease to exist for the time I'm inside. It's like a mini-vacation every time I need to go buy tampons. (I have similar experiences with Central Market...it's just further away.) You see...I'm not only an organic, but I'm also a foodie.

"The Whole Family Project" Purpose

Let me make one thing clear from the beginning…I am not a mom who has it all together and is going to bring you “nectar of the gods” advice from my perch high above…that’s why “Project” is part of my title. Project defines my endeavors as a mother, a wife, and as a woman in general. Here’s why I’m doing this….
- I believe in God, and I believe in His Son, Jesus Christ. I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins, and that He is the hope of this world. I believe in His version of family. You will find scripture here. You will find Bible teachings here. You WILL NOT find someone who thinks that children are better left lying in orphanages or drowning in the foster care system, instead of being adopted out to same-sex parents who will love them, make them feel wanted, and work for their best interest in life. You WILL NOT find someone who touts the impossibility of single parent homes…some of the best mothers and fathers I know are single…and though it may not be easy, they are willing to fight to the death to make sure their children are raised with the same opportunities and the same stability that children in nuclear families. I believe that families are being attacked, but not by a political party. I believe that we are being attacked by Satan, who is more than willing to use the political debates about family to divert our attentions and energies into the corridor of cynicism and hate. I believe that those energies are better spent getting children out of orphanages, to loving and supporting those single parents and families who are struggling, and to doing better every single day for our own children. I believe that families are worth fighting for…are worth doing what it takes to make and keep them…whole.
-So, why "The Whole Family Project”? Well, there are several things I want to cover on this site. The main idea I wanted to explore, when contemplating the startup of this blog, is whole food nutrition. I believe it is vitally important that we begin to move away from industrialized food…for our whole family…but, especially for our children. I am no expert, and I don’t have a degree. What I do have is years and years of research about healing with whole food. I grew up a granola kid. We used co-op and I ate carob chips, and rice crackers, took vitamins like they were going out of style, and never went to the doctor, save the chiropractor. That’s just how I’m wired. There are several events that have happened in my life (that I will expound on in other articles) that have solidified my belief in the fact that God put everything we need to heal, and be well, on this, our dear planet Earth. I will provide tips and tutorials, based on my life experience, on everything from homemade baby formula and food, to how to start incorporating the whole food lifestyle, in a world that makes it very difficult. None of my ideas are original, but I have done a bit of footwork that may make it easier for someone looking for a place to start.
-Like I said at the very beginning, I am a working project. I truly believe you can’t have a whole family without having a whole mother. There is this thing I like to call “The Oxygen Mask” philosophy. You know it…the rule on an airplane that states that if you have a child with you and the plane is losing cabin pressure, you put the mask on yourself before you put it on your child. It’s counter-intuitive, yes…but, oh so necessary. So, this is a journey we will go on together, you and I. I don’t take care of myself, I don’t sleep well, I don’t eat well, and I don’t exercise regularly…yet. So, in the spirit of getting ourselves together, so that we can be better wives, mothers, and all-around women, I am designating Me Mondays…articles that will be dedicated to self-care. It is impossible to be what we want and need to be to our families, friends, and community, if we are not what we need to be for ourselves. So…let’s do this together.
-I don’t want to leave anyone out, here, because as I said at the beginning, I have a lot of friends who are excellent parents, yet don’t have a spouse. However, I believe that if you are married, without a whole marriage, then your family will begin to splinter before you can say the word “counseling.” So, for that reason, I am going to dedicate my Saturday posts to the care of relationship. If you are blessed enough to have a partner, it is vitally important that that partnership be solid…be FUN…and, now get this part…that the partners BE ON THE SAME SIDE!! So often, I have watched marriages disintegrate, because there was competition and self-centeredness running amok in the heads of one or both partners. This is an area in which I have an embarrassment of riches. My husband is just one of those men that all women wish their husbands to be. You’ll get to know him pretty well as you read:)
-Lastly, I believe that there are several endangered species in children today…nature, honor, confidence, humility, gratefulness, and consideration. It is my life’s mission to make these common traits amongst kids, again, because I believe without them, our world goes under with immense speed and force. We’re already seeing it! Interspersed throughout this site, you will find snippets of humor, tips on discipline, and ways to make kids behave that doesn’t leave you spent and unsuccessful at the end of the day. I will have a comic relief section…little things that happen during the day that fill the job of parenting with moments of head shaking chuckles. I will also be practicing the art of honor, by adding tributes to Tuesday posts…little portraits of people that are heroes to me, in the quest for whole families.
-I hope that you find “The Whole Family Project” fun and informative, helpful and poignant. It’s my hope that God shines and is glorified through my words, and that I will grow through the experience in a way that will reach my family, my community, and my world as a whole. I look forward to participation from those who read. Please feel free to leave comments and send me ideas for articles, guest blogs, or any other content you feel would add to this experience. Thanks for reading!