Well, as of today, I have my own domain, and you can now drop the ".blogspot" out of the site address to this blog! It will actually work both ways, but if you prefer, you can now use www.wholefamilyproject.com...yay! So...here's what's on the menu...
We have just finished moving out of our house. Yesterday, we completed the process, and turned in our keys and garage door opener. *sniff* I was unexpectedly emotional about it, having a small, tearful episode at a sushi restaurant for lunch. I wasn't sure what the whole thing was about, because we've only lived there for about a year and a half...but, I was profoundly sad about walking away from there for the last time. Here's what I think it is...during the 18 1/2 months that I lived there, Brandon was gone for over 12 of them. That was part of what kept me from rooting fully there. However, after I had time to reflect, I realized that a whole lot happened to me there. God and I did a lot of work in that house. Not to mention, as a result of Brandon's absence, Jaxen and I grew a VERY deep bond.
We obviously had a bond already...I mean, we've been through huge things together in his very short life. But, this bond was the "one on one" kind that single mothers get with their children. It becomes more than a mother-child relationship...it becomes a companionship. When he was the only one I had to talk to, I got to REALLY converse with him, hear him, and understand him in a more real way. I believe in marriage coming before your children, but sometimes I think it's easy for children to be unheard in that dynamic. I got the unique chance to have both...a deeply connected marriage AND a deeper understanding of my son. It's been really wonderful, because in the few weeks since Brandon got home, there have been several instances when we have been engaged in a conversation, and Jaxen tried to interject. Normally, I would make him wait until we were finished, and I think there's room for that...but, since he has had my undivided attention for the last year, I know when he has an insightful thought that needs to be nurtured, or when he's just trying to be the center of attention. As a result...we have learned awesome things about the inner workings of his brilliant mind. That child misses N.O.T.H.I.N.G!!!
Not to mention, that I have learned how to involve him in my tasks. I've always been one to have a system for everything, and anyone's help is more of a burden. That, unfortunately, translated to Jaxen wanting to help, and me begrudging the loss of my very time-efficient way of doing things. But, now I offer that time to him with all my heart. I LOVE his help. I so enjoy the time spent teaching him tangible skills and weaving the fabric of his earliest memories together. I can just hear him in the future saying things like "oh, I've been cooking with my mom since I was 2 1/2 years old" or "I remember being really little sitting on the counter stirring bowls of stuff for my mom, while we made dinner together." I love the thought of him going off to college, and being able to make chicken scallopini and lemon spaghetti for his roommates. That's the stuff that starts NOW...and I might have missed it, had I not experienced the last year without Brandon. Beside all that...when we moved there, he was still in diapers, still had milk at night, and had a binky. During our time in that house, he transformed into the little man I have now...a 3 1/2 year old that one is hard-pressed to see a preschooler in.
So...all that being said...I'm going to miss that house...for it's wonderful kitchen (I'll post pictures soon) and all the richness that we gained. So what's coming up? I will be blogging all weekend about our plans for the trip. (We depart Monday!) I will be outlining where we are going, as well as our purposes and goals for what we hope to gain.
Take a moment today and reflect on the moment you are currently in. Soak it in...the good, the bad...all of it. Take time to really INHABIT where you are in your life RIGHT NOW...because in a few months, you might look back on it, and realize....
it made you a better you.
I love you lady! Your thoughts and post remind me to stop and smell the roses and enjoy each moment we are given. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAleisha,
ReplyDeleteSo ya'll are starting out on your exciting journey! Will be following you, I know what you mean about living in the present where we are instead of " trying to get the list all done" which is where I get focused sometime.
Vaya con Dios,
Kay