Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Forging Our Way

OK. First and foremost, YAY!...we have internet. Now...for some specifics. We have working goals on this trip, and I keep promising to tell you. For some reason, the most difficult part of my adjustment, is giving up my own agenda.

I get myself in trouble when I put things out there like "my next post will be about such and such, where I will outline such and such...". Yeah...the thing is, every single minute of this is about stripping away my own agenda. So, I go about on this Journey to Real, and so much of it is about internal struggle for me...and by struggle I mean, me pitching little fits in my head all day (and the occasional ugly outburst) about how things aren't going the way I planned, and feeling upended and disoriented, and dealing with all the head fog that those issues bring to a detoxing ducks-in-a-row-aholic. Seriously...I'm being a brat...and, I'm not entirely sure that I'm done being one, either. How's that for walking out on faith? I'm out here, complaining about how my radical trip for change isn't going how I saw it in my I've walked out on a tightrope with that guy who walked in between the Twin Towers, and I'm all..."you know, I don't like holding this heavy pole...I'm tiiiired, and it's windy, and this is making my feet hurt...maybe we should just go back to the platform...hmpf!" Yeah...awe inspiring portrayal of my radical faith, right? ugh.

Well, in the spirit of doing and not thinking, I'm going to tell you our goals...but, I'm also going write another post, because that's what's really clinking around in my head, right now. And from here on out...I'm not going to foreshadow what my posts are going to be about, because the truth is, that I have no idea what issues are going to be hitting me in the heart, from moment to moment. I have a feeling that a lot of this trip isn't about us, at all...but doing things, and then writing what God wants me to write...because this is about doing HIS will...and not mine. See? Baby steps away from spiritual retardation. (and I don't mean that with any disrespect...I literally mean, a slowed development of my spiritual maturity)....

*Goals for Our Family*

-to learn a little more about farming Real Food
- to reconnect with nature - we want to experience majesty in it's most tangible form. we want to REALLY see stars, and get our hands dirty, and undo the "sterile" brainwashing that our society has been handing us with increasing fervor. (I am learning that I have an rapidly growing distaste for anything "sterile" outside of an operating room. I've had enough of sterility...thank you.)
- to be purposeful in our relationship with eachother - our family is too precious to get lost in the stuff we "have to do"...and so is yours.
- to see the country - we have been wanting to see the northwest region of the U.S for a very long time. we are ready to do the experiencing...because a dream without action, is just a dream...reality is what we're after.
- to deprogram our lifestyle - desperate times call for desperate measures...laziness will only get you dead.
- to meet interesting people
-to eat as little processed food as possible
- to begin the process of reclaiming our health
-to become better and more mindful

*Goals for me, personally*

-gratitude - I really want to BE the woman that I see in my head. I have been waiting for my circumstances to guide me to gratitude...WRONG!
- to fall more in love with my Heavenly Father
- to inhabit praise...daily
- to be the wife and mother that my boys deserve...
- to bring honor to my husband
- to be a vessel
- to find stillness of heart - there are so many levels to that goal, it's indescribable...but, if you don't have a stillness of heart, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.
- to stare fear in the face, and defeat it!
- to let the Lord be my portion, my all-sufficient, my "all I need"
- to have my breath taken away
- to cry with joy
- to cry out some old baggage
- to let loose, be amazed...maybe even dance a little
- to get closer to the most authentic parts of me
- to allow life to come in...and to give it back to others
- to say goodbye to who I've been
- to practice more and better self care
- *this one is hard* - to release my loved ones to God, so that I can love them more fully, without fear, and with an unclenched makes me sick to my stomach just to type that. Why?

**It's just not enough to make our own way in this world...we want to FORGE it...hack away at the branches, and make the path to tailor fit our spirits...not tailor our spirits to fit the path well traveled.

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts with Thumbnails