Me Mondays: Shoveling Out

{paper, rock, scissors sculpture in santa fe, nm}

Well, here we are again...a week since my last post, not a whole lot going on during the day, but so much going on internally that I can't seem to dig my way out. This seems to be a perpetual situation for me, right? Well, this time, it's not just me, it's Brandon, too...so that's new. Kinda feels like we're playing a child's game to make decisions about our life, sometimes:)

What's Happening

We are back in DFW, with no home, no job prospects, wanting to hit the fast track toward our homesteading lifestyle, but terrified of getting trapped into the lifestyle that's "expected" in order to get there. Enter: a succession of marital spats that have no definable beginning or end, sour moods, and communication break down. The thing is, we both want the same thing...a home, where we grow most of our own food, sustain most of our own physical needs without "the grid", simplicity, happiness, and peace. I mean, it states right there in the Constitution of the United States that we have the right to the pursuit of such, and dagnabbit...I plan on stakin' my claim! Ok...wow. I may not have reached Mental Instability, yet...but, I can see it from here.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who deals with constant confusion about life, but if I am, and there is a group of you planning on staging an intervention, I just ask that you let me know ahead of time, so that I can put it on my schedule. I don't mind chaos as long as I know how to plan for it. (Thanks, ma.)

But, seriously though. I have been putting lots of thought into the idea of joy...in that, I don't seem to have any....and that's ridiculous. So, I have a topic that I would like some feedback on.

Do you think that NOT having joy can be a habit?

A little clarification...about 4 years ago, things in my life became very challenging, a little depressing, and emotionally draining. I lost several friends...not because they died, but for several other reasons; I became a parent in an instant one day, and the subsequent adoption experiences brought on a level of anxiety that I had not previously known existed. Add to all that, I was physically exhausted due to not taking care of myself, being overweight, and being terrified, and I didn't have the stamina to maintain any sense of joy (except when I was holding my new baby:). All of that seems about right, given my set of circumstances...but, the adoption was finalized, new friendships made, sleep returned, money was provided...yet, the joylessness remains. So, I wonder...is it possible to have an appropriate response to a life experience, and then become so accustomed to viewing the world through that lens, that when those experiences have subsided, the response lingers? Can we literally get in the habit of being blah?

Food for thought...

Anyway, now about this blog. We have reached the place where I need to be contributing financially to our family. I would love to be the idiot blog savant that was able to make her glorified e-journal a raving success in 6 months time...however, that is clearly not the situation. I love doing this blog, and I think it will be even more fulfilling when it becomes more "professional". I'm committed to making it a useful tool, a gathering place, and inspiring source of information and relate-able anecdotes. I also hope that at some point this can be my "job". I have removed the monetization tool that I was using since the beginning for 2 reasons...a)it didn't make me any money, and most importantly, b) it promoted certain things that I don't support, wouldn't recommend, and in some cases have ethical pause about.

That being said, I am going to start pursuing "sponsors"...or companies that I am excited about, who I have formed a relationship with, and who will pay to advertise on my site, in exchange for me promoting their product to my readers. The ideal sponsor would be someone whose business practices and products were in line with the lifestyle I want to cultivate, in and through this blog...small, sustainable, ethical, and simple...i.e. whole & joyful:) If you have a product or business or know someone who does, and you think we would be a good fit, please contact me at aliutterback@gmail.com, and we'll discuss details.

Until which point I become independently wealthy from blogging, I will also be pursuing other freelance writing opportunities. So...if you know of any of those...you know where to find me:)