Monday, May 10, 2010

The Late Night Self Portrait

This is me. Late at night. The best I could do with the flash in my face...oh well. I didn't realize how crooked my features are...that's not at all what I look like to myself. Of course...I suffer from the opposite of anorexia...where I think I'm ok, and then catch a mirror & lose my stomach in disbelief of what I'm seeing. Delusional, I think they call it. Wow...somber mood, anyone?

The boys are asleep, and we are somewhere north of San Francisco in wine country. I believe the town is Rohnert Park. I've been having a couple of days full of meltdowns...I'm sure triggered by a nasty bout of hormonal surges and imbalances. There's no other explanation for it when I get like this...completely nonsensical abuse of myself and those around me. I have a hard time finding anything redeemable about myself during times like these. But, my dearest friend reminded me today...that's because there is nothing redeemable about me. I am justified and identified by my Saviour. He is my portion. My identity lies in Him...and Him alone. How blessed I am that I'm not all I have. I love her for the truth and therapy she gives me...Heather, I'm talkin' to you.

I realized that I am out here, waiting for some awesome change to happen to me. I basically just brought the problems from home out here on the road with me. What's with that?

Tomorrow's a new day.

Thank the Lord for His unending chances.


  1. God is awesome and He will change you if you let Him. And just so you know you are beautiful and you are just the way God created you and wanted you to be. You are wonderfully made to fill a purpose that only you can fill and this world would not be the same without you. You are uniquely beautiful and just the way that God intended for you to be to fulfill the purpose He has for. I love you and I am so proud of you for venturing out of your comfort zone. Hang in there and just remember that God loves you just the way you are.

  2. Amen Ashley!

    Yes, Aleisha, there is something redeemable about you. (We just can't redeem ourselves). Otherwise God would not have bothered to redeem you. YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. He knows you and loves you more than anything else He made. He knows how many hairs are on your head. He is with you when you sleep and and you wake up. He is with you when all is right in your world. He is with you when you're as far away from "right" as you can be ... loving you all the while. You ARE redeemable, and you must refuse to allow the enemy to tell you otherwise.



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