Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Precipice

This post is going to be raw...a stream of conscious look into the cloudy state of my brain.

I know that's not a new thing, but this isn't thought out. At this point, if I were to wait until everything is organized in my brain, it would be weeks until the next post. I'm about to think that part of the original problem is my infernal need to get everything straightened out in my head before I act. Because "straightened out" is a myth. That's the thing that led us to the place where we were back in Arlington...the waiting. So, we came out here, and we've seen beautiful things, beautiful places...but, we've also been couped up in a car for nearly 6 weeks, and we've been eating WORSE than we ever did at home. I knew that we were biting off more than we could chew trying to live out of a car, and trying to eat nutritious food. But...I was so desperate to get out, that I was willing to let myself think we could do it.

There are very few people who "get" how we feel about things. For Brandon and I, the thought of living in a place that doesn't offer anything else besides strip malls & concrete, beige homes & the Fascist regime they call HOA's, makes us sad. I don't know if it's "living in the flesh" to want to be in a place that inspires or "fits" us...but, we're weird people, you know? We're a little too anchored to be wandering around aimlessly...but, we're a little too offbeat to be couped up in the land of soul paralyzing conformity. I don't want to be a stamped out person, in a stamped out house, that is in the constant pursuit of more stuff to make me feel more fulfilled, because my Homeowner's Association won't allow me to hang my laundry on the line, or grow some dadgum food in my backyard, because the aim in life is to maintain property values, so that you can get more, to continue to GET MORE.'s turning into a rant, but I'm going to allow myself the room...

We are in Portland, Oregon. Granted, it's been raining since the minute we got here, but this place is amazing. I haven't seen a single beige house (or box with some roof grades on the front to simulate architectural interest), and there are yards, right next to downtown, where people have chickens AND vegetables growing in their FRONT yards! You know what? It's not at all off-putting. It's beautiful, and it creates a sense of community & of life HAPPENING, and of putting BACK IN to the place they live, to cultivation, to participation in something other than running on the wheel, and to making a place a home. I love it. However, it's hard to be in a place where you don't know anyone, and I'm tired of living out of the car. I want a kitchen, and I REALLY want to start healing my body.

The thing is...I know that it's all inside...I know it's about how I attack MY own day. My problem is, people are so often a product of the culture they are immersed in. I think that the culture that exists in my hometown is a smokescreen to the very issues that are creating all the problems in the world, and between people. And frankly, I'm sick of the general population rolling their eyes at me. I've found so many kindred spirits out here, people who immediately know what I mean when I give them a brief synopsis of what we intended for this trip. I want to CONNECT! I want to root in with people. I'll do this stuff, even if God intends for us to stay in Arlington...but, it would be so much easier if there were other people who felt passionately about working toward a common goal. I still looking for easy?

Seriously...someone get me off this thing.

I feel confused...maybe hormone induced?
I do know that I need a night out with my husband, and a night out with the girls...and I need to hug my mom, dad, & sister. I need to go to worship. I need to cook in a kitchen.

I. want. to. go. home...wherever that is...I want to find it, and go there.
This bird needs a nest.


  1. Sweet Aleisha. BREATHE.

    And then breathe again.

    All is well. Enjoy this.

    Keep breathing.

  2. Hi Aleisha - after reading this entry I wanted to share something with you I really enjoyed this week...mentioned by you referring to Rom. 8:6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace.
    Here's a portion of a ministry book I was encouraged by this week.
    "Life is the strength to energize us, and peace affords us enjoyment. Christ is life, and He is peace. This means that when we set our mind on the spirit, we have Christ as life strenghtening us, nourishing us, and being our enjoyment. We need to (this really encouraged me) forget about our weaknesses, shortcomings, temper and other failures and pay attention to nothing other than the spirit.

    Hope it's an encouraging word. Also, we have churches in all the major cities you've been passing through. If you'd like to get together for meals, fellowship, etc. let me know along the way and we can get you joined to others to enjoy the Lord with :) Love you guys! Kelli

  3. I just wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone. I too am sick of how people have begun to relate to each other. It may just be because I have worked in customer service for way too long, but it seems like no one likes anyone else in this world. What happened to be being connected and caring and helping each other. I am so happy that you have found some amazing people to connect with on this trip, it gives me hope. The picture you painted about how people live in Oregon seems amazing and so real. Your right our hometown is full of people living in boxes and facades. There's no real, no genuine. It can be suffocating. I too desire to connect with people on a real level, but sometimes it seems like all there is is people hiding behind the masks that society has told them they have to wear.
    You know, I started following this blog just so I could support an amazing family member, but it has been so much more than that. I have learned so much from you and your experiences about myself and about you. Thank you for sharing your heart on this journey and being honest about you fears and struggles. I feel like I have truly taken this journey with you. I love you lady and I can't wait to see you and your boys!

  4. Kelli~
    Thank you for sharing, it really encouraged me and was something I really needed to hear right now. And I'm sure Aleisha appreciated it too.

  5. Wow...a few days with no internet access can blindside a girl with support:) I love you are so very encouraging to me!



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